The smell of the world as a personal experience of being

I felt it in my youth first. It appeared there, and again several times later before I turned thirty. Because people flooded me with it, I was forced to confront it. That’s was my thinking at the time. I couldn’t avoid it in others or myself. It was right there. I just had to make something out of it. And people didn’t want to deal with it. Or show me how to do it. They just extended it to other people, to me, and then scaled it up to the world. It was something that didn’t feel right. And since it is still the same experience. People without being filling everything and everyone up with their fears, anxieties and personal frustrations, and think that they can solve it rationally, with ideals, or with words and rhetorics. With a made up public personality. But that was really the cause of discomfort for me, I was missing out on my relation to my own being as an individual container. And without a relation to being we just externalise our anxieties and frustrations, flooding each other with it at the expense of other people. People we care about, and our world. We never deal with our own being. Instead, we tend to put our trust in ideas and leaders who point to our anxiety and frustrations, but they are themselves filled with them, so the only thing we achieve is that we spread it further around through them, only to confuse us even more when we blend that with traditional and social media.
We increase the scope of the problem in our belief that the solution depends on rational considerations, using political, ideological or social means, instead of it being something personal and about our relationship with ourselves.
Our world stinks of it.
And again, it seems that a lot of people still think that this is something that should be solved with an authoritarian approach. Not by a personal one.
But I have to let that go. My being depends on it. I can only handle what is mine to bear.