my experience of non determinism

Every part of any consciousness is also a part of time that exists as consciousness all of the time. All we can realize about reality is what is shown as information in a time sequence where the past and the future interact with each part of itself as a single consciousness that contains all the events of all time. Therefore, when we become aware of its existance, we can experience events in our lives as something that happens because it acknowledges our individual expansion into a consciousness that is part of a greater independent sum of all time, and it interacts with us as spatial glimpses of that space as time.
We suddenly begin to experience meaning in events that happen to us. Almost like what is happening to us is in some way predetermined and organised, or arranged specifically for us in flashes of periodic patterns laid out specifically for our experiential understanding. Things start to happen to us that relates to that reality as an immediate experience independently of our rational views, or perception of causality.