about my relation to love

No one are like anyone else. If there is a feeling of cognitive distorsion with the ordinary way of things or usualness, there is something wrong with the usualness relation to my individuality. A consequence I can live with. Because if I try to live like that and it didn’t turn out like usualness wants to have it, I would dispise myself for not being authentic or true to myself and others. It would be quite embarrasing for me. And create a great deal of anxiety. Feelings is one such “thing”. As we learn to conceptualize it to control it. To make it an object for the mind. But to learn closeness by the controlled distance of usualness is not learning to be authentic. We just learn how to appease and behave with this “object” towards others as a substitute for our true feelings. Its a controlled feeling where usualness dictate the accepted ways of expressing what you feel. But no one really is this “usualness”. It is a learned behavior of adjustment to our environment and its commonality. Our feeling of love and caring is not something that can be restricted to certain conditions, or something to be expressed according to certain defined and accepted rules of this usualness. We learn this as we grow up. It is an immediate experience of sharing our genuine and timeless being with someone else. And we relate to it not as something dictated by an objective view, we relate to its source of origin inside us as a shared participative power outside of individuality common to us all, and in this way unobstructed in how it wants be expressed in itself.
There is of course nothing more destructive to this kind of closeness than making it common or ordinary. Like when we deform the connection to its power in ourselves. Or stubbornly stay inside the maternal womb of “usualness” for too long. Or get stuck in the paternal hell of objectifying our relations with a moral code.
How can anyone relate to that?