If one equates masculinity with objective interest, or make an analogy with it like with the wind. But of an internal kind, blowing around inside, and one is undifferentiated from it.
Like a child the ego is going to try to ride this wind, and we are going to be thrown around on it behaving like we were crazy without being able to stop. On this ride there is no real reflection, no inner context in relation to judgement, and no real connection to earth. Or to being. We just continue to behave like restless children trying to control the movements of this energy, or make it behave in certain ways.
At some point in life we have to learn to let it go, we have to release it because we understand that it has its own way and its own direction. We learn the hard way that our erratic behaviour comes from us trying to capture it. But since this is an impossible task and it will completely wear us out, we instead starts to listen to it trying to understand what it have to say. We even try to find out where it wants to go in itself.
And suddenly to this great and total confusion to us, it turns inward, and to earth. It moves there to create this relation to where it is all about relations. And this move comes with its own inherent morals. It is like an initial date that is suddenly turned into a relation, like a marriage. A union between that energy and to a kind of true relatedness. Its like we suddenly become physical beings in a metaphysical world.
And the world one has left behind becomes this one sided world of truly insane conceptual opposites.
A world that is really horrible to ever have been any part of.
Herein lies the very reason to the compulsiveness in my change.