My life has in a way and always included prayer. Or a constant state of wonder and questioning. Now and then, but more and more often I have experienced extended time slots, or states when my ego has retreated and other aspects of my inner totality have emerged by themselves with answers or directions following my questions. In a creative sense, this is probably what has historically been called prayer because of its numinous aspects, and the accompanying artistic or scientific ability conveyed through its images. These creative impulses of my part of the content of this whole have always been the light of my life, what made it make sense to me. I have always seen everything else in my life as a result of this. It is from this that everything emerges. But most of us just prefer to call the answers we get from our prayers or wonderment, ideas. This is how our egos prefer to convey their position in relation to our greater totality. Psychopaths always try to deny the existence of this totality. It is the madness we all carry within us. We believe that we can control the opposites that ravage our inner being then. Not to mention that this is also what we constantly have to creatively dive into, and visit, to be able to talk to our true being. In this sense, math has always been a tool to solve contradictions. But the source of its solutions has been forgotten.