I made my first time psychological experience of chaos when my parents broke up. It wasn’t just their separation. I was also separated from the immediacy of everything i knew and cared about. So the interiority of the world engulfed me and i lived inside it for a very long time. But i also learned a lot about what it was. And later that perhaps it have served me a purpose. I did get out a couple of times. Love have a way with things. But soon enough i got thrown right back in.
It is a terribly frightening experience to learn that there is an infinate spontaneous perspective to cosmology and habitual order. And to encounter the inevitability of this raw nature at first hand. To be overrun by it.
It does not matter how old you are. It is merciless. And it will always
shake you up like nothing else.
It is what any initiation does to you.