about personal guilt and shame in a society

Alienation is something that has followed me together with the sun’s turning and rays since forever. I mean the alienation that comes with a sense of guilt in being something else than what the collective attitude maintains for it to work in its underlying posture common to all relations in our society. We can sense it as how we should be. That prescribed way of acting and training everyone should attune to.
But that is not me.
It is not how my being works. And anyone sensing anything of this will likely have been into conflict with those postures, and with how we appreciate ourselves. Because we don’t now how to make our me’s fit into, and work in relations with that general space of functioning. We cannot become part of it unless we, in the experience of an inner conflict reject what has been in us from the beginning, and convert ourselves in favour of what we may put together to accommodate the ways of society. No matter its standards, or how that society relates to the nature of individuality and unique personal characteristics. Or the relationship it has to nature and to earth.
It is horrible for anyone to feel spaced with guilt and shame in our relation to that. But we do not have any initiation to what we really are, or any training by knowledgeable old ones to find that being in us that needs our attention. Of course I know that this is just another way to justify my sense of otherness, to conform and bring that experience of me-ingness into something that is more adapt to group functioning than being is by itself.
I know all this isn’t something that can do itself justice in words. Thats how it deformes me. It’s how it works. Because in our culture the experience of beingness is not good enough. It doesn’t satisfy the collective attitude of trying to explain everything. To finalize being and materialize it.
But what it really does is, it actually materialize the sense I have about it.