Suddenly it doesn’t work anymore. It’s not possible to act or be in the same way as before, and we no longer know how to be. The previous way has expired. It was not ours to begin with, and not connected to the inner stillness and balance that was there within us from the beginning, as something whole and true, but something that we added to ourselves. An attitude, full of borrowed words and adjusted combinations of them without them having any essential belonging to our own experiences and our own individual inner contexts. But we also cannot be in constant opposition to it, and live in a continuous compensations to it through others. In a tangle of objurgations and an eternal adjustment of more or less known intentions that are not our own. Which arise from the energy that shapes our experiences from sources in relation to our own senses, and which are the true relationships that we share with others from within. By their meaning and purpose for us in relation to how we live our own lives, not how we avoid them or act them out on others for them to compensate for us. Because then we just become an inaccessible and defensive one-dimensional surface. A superficial face without content and with a borrowed character whose morality draws its nourishment from the frustration of how it constantly compensates for an overall sense of inadequacy, and the rejection it implies of a genuine human participation of it both in ourselves and in its relationship to others. It is not a performance, something we act out for others but a genuine participation in life from within life itself. But how damn hard isn’t it to give it up and leave the character we pretend to be that has become our substitute identity, and put it with all its endless compensations aside. And at the same time really experience the feeling of rejection it creates for us by constantly generating it by highlighting it in others. For them to entertain so that we escape the emptiness behind a face that has no real relationship to our own content. And to make it even worse, we blame people around us for the criticism we experience from within our own self-regulating mental balance, or equanimity, for being fake since it questions our identity as we see it through the face of our own reflection of it through others around us.