After I gave in to my nature, to my being, in its instinctive whole, to live closer to my impulses, from which all my whims came spontaneously. I really fell to the ground of my being. Back to my connection to the earth in a synthetic sense. Some people around me, when they ended up there, became fierce activists. I respected that, but could not abandon my wholeness for a thing beyond what I perceived as my reality. Instead, I took it all out on my everyday life. For many years I gave everything in all my relationships all the time. I was extremely vulnerable, defensive and personal, and defended all kinds of relationships to this totality with absolute presence and an intense sensitive closeness, and with a sadness that came from the abandonment I experienced in relation to it with people around me. I really embodied it. Slowly I began to be able to talk with my impulses. I remembered who they were and started listening to their advice again. I realised that they had been guiding me the whole time. That they had done so my entire life. I really was born with them, and I had begun talking to them when I was about 4-5 years old. Semi-consciously, I have done so ever since, even though no one provided me with a natural outlet for it. Later, I also had to realise that there was nothing wrong with that. I opposed a culturally conditioned view of people, far from the reality that I was part of. So I had to participate and trust what was inherited in me and give myself to it, to my part of our psychic totality. To my background, and to the forces there that affected me. Who gave me directions. I’ve never looked back to that previous kind of distortion of my life since. It was maddening. A life that breeds isolation in people and create psychopaths. Far from our nature and the totality we share in it. There is simply no container there for our physical and emotional life to stand up to the intrusions of the crazy people. And certainly not when you are only 4-5 years old. And that is when you are going to need it the most.