By protecting it, we try to create a kind of stable emotional atmosphere to replace the feeling of an early lost experience of bliss, a lost paradise of the mind, and we then try to replace the experience we had of that original whole with temporal and material means instead of seeking the psychic background within us on which this whole rests. An experience that never left us but was distorted in various ways when it was mixed up with the underlying desires that the ego identifies us with when it searches for it. Often it is a notion of a coherent sense of being psychically protected by a carefree sense of genuine security, an idea of an infallible identity with a place and the people to whom it relates. Something that can then be transferred to material standards and political ideals. But that place is the experience we once had when we were children of the original whole as a place that simultaneously exists as a psychic reality both inside and outside of us. It is the inviolable source and inner balance that the one who has experienced it cannot encroach on, hurt or humiliate in others without it having a severe moral repercussion on the one who performs actions that may damage that relationship. All the destructive actions we encounter in our world around us, all the psychic activities that intentionally, impulsively or thoughtlessly enclose and steal it from others have their basis in this first loss, and a rejection of what we carry inside that we always seek in external sources. When we lost our proximity to this primordial self-meditating chaordic whole, we had no protective layers, and so it weighed on us to need to defend against it, where it had been lost. It is not entirely clear to us, but the true purpose of this inner search may not have so much to do with ourselves as with those who came before us. We extricate
them from what has held them captive. That which once captured them and stripped them of their connections to the original whole. We suddenly see within ourselves what it was in them that we could not understand. We see their suffering and the reconciliation they were forced to make with the hopelessness it entailed and which hurt us so deeply.