I think I met Ruohtta for the first time at the age of ten or eleven in a fever dream that was as real as everything else around me. In the darkness that enveloped the place I was in the dream, a door suddenly opened in front of me. The entire doorway was filled with a light emanating from the space behind the door. Through it entered a black silhouetted figure of a man whose human features I could not make out. A shadow who then charged towards me where I lay while my clothes danced about the room, and I wake up in terror of him. Before that, his presence was nothing I had encountered before. Because I was not yet ready to leave my blissful original state of consciousness. I had unknowingly observed him around me though, and received word of his presence in a covert manner for my protection. But he then came about several times later during my teenage years. Most often with a feeling of absolute emptiness, as if I were standing on the edge of a nothingness inside of me and staring into something completely empty, into the realm of the dead. Of death itself. It filled me with an inner desolation and vulnerability that I didn’t know how to face. Now I realize that it meant that the paradisiacal sense of the oneness of everything in the whole that I psychically related to in its outer space was about to be seriously challenged. I managed to keep him at distance from me until I was about twenty-eight. Then it didn’t work anymore and I was forced to let it all in. In connection with this, I also had a another dream about the same dark being who came and knocked violently on the door of the small cabin I was physically in at that time out in the country. This time I woke up from the dream because I opened the door myself. Since then I have met him countless of times. At first I just wanted to get rid of his presence as it was such a burden to me. Not wanting to feel any of that burdon if it that was not mine, I forcefully kept on pushing that away from me. When he showed up with others, I immediately rejected him. I could somewhat stand up to him in myself, but for a long time not at all in others. I violently resisted him there. Over time, I have been able to hold him closer and closer to me, and really observe how his presence affects me. Now I see that he is really not evil. Though his powerful presence is always overwhelming. Evil comes from ignorance. Even as he turns up in others. Because he opens us up to the dualism it means that brings symbolic content to our experiences. He separates us from the first one-sided parental controlled sense of a whole and provide our consciousness with an opening to our experiential psychic content. At worst, we reject him by despising something we cannot accept in ourselves, as it is questioning our blissful parental influented state, which we then transfer to him in others. Since he overwhelms us with his dual presence. Which can help us let go. Its still a feeling of losing balance and touch with our reality. But what it really does is that it disconnects us from the first immature psychic connection to life, and without the innate structure of the larger psychic sense of the whole being clear enough, and on the threshold between naive identification and conscious observation, he forces us to face it spontaneously. Openly, unadulterated, with our direct experience, without any intellectual interference of what feels genuine and morally true. In that way, it is he who forces us to establish the relationship with our psychic atmosphere, with Sáivu, and what affects us from there. Instead of him just being associated with our inner difficulties, he is the one trying to keep us from being distracted from the emerging greater whole of which he is also a part. But leaving the original paradisiacal order involves incredibly intense anxiety and worry. It is what our natural fear and vulnerability do to us when we are going through a change of some sort. It has nothing to do with him. He is the one who brings our self-contained congenital psychic energies back to their original sources. The feeling of being torn apart by his pet wolf, of being separated from the immature autonomy of the psychic realm and our instincts, and experiencing this confrontation within us, our dual nature, both instinctive and symbolic in a psychic sense, instead of diabolical, transforms his wolf into an important companion. He’s sometimes terrifying presence make the psychic realm of life absolutely real.