The enslavement of my inner reflection in an outer form by others in order to gain favor and belonging is for me a form of self-punishment. In that way, I disconnect myself from my self-preservation and my natural aggressiveness, which then instead takes the form of an independent intrasubjective accuser. My own reflection turns into Ruohtta, like the Devils advocate, a kind of judge, and a condemnation I must constantly cooperate with through others. It is not true defiance, or even a disciplined aggressiveness. A consciously expressed integrity or sexuality. Just my need to be emotionally taken care of or to express my assertiveness in the face of my condemnation to rouhtta-aimo. Psychic reflection is instead experienced in a form of self-denial. In compulsive bouts of rapturous self-deprecation or superficial and idealistic ideas, triggered by the repressed needs that in the background are masochistically condemned by that accuser in its exterior form through others. As the one who denies me all my individual expressions of self-reflection. My own needs. I then only see myself disconnected from myself and my own person, and only through others. In a constant flow of an external noise with no connection to who I am. I then have to constantly pollute myself with facts and information from my surroundings via all the media available to me to have any kind of existence in the world, and to prevent me from the disruptive intrusions of my own being. Which prevents me from being able to independently express myself based on the qualities that work through me. I wouldn’t be able to see where I end and others begin and feel empty. Without being able to function as an individual. Only as from how I am defined to act by social rules and the general cultural practices of a community. No matter the horrors it creates. I will become almost immune to real and authentic human responses, entirely impulse driven and instinctive and fall into Ruohtta-aimo. Into total hopelessness and despair. Back to the world that preceded this one. Where no psychic consciousness exists. This is what we experience in the constant media noise that replaces our inner self-reflection, and does to our own voice.